Solution
by Nenshou Mirai
Summary: This is my first story so you know have a bit of mercy.Konan is having a problem with the akatsuki so she has a solution. As you can see i also so suck at summaries so read and review and tell me if i should go on.Also rated for Hidan and his mouth!
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story so don't hate appreciate!

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It was another regular day at the akatsuki base or as Konan usually nags to Pain ,the akatsuki daycare. Yes, just a regular day of Deidara blowing stuff up, Zetsu eating or at least trying to eat Kisame who runs behind Itachi who threatens the cannibal 72 hours of hell if he doesn't back off. Oh did I mention Kakuzu and Hidan entering their endless circle of arguments and innocent Tobi getting blamed for everything but always claiming he is a good boy.

Well of all days Konan was just trying to watch American Idol and trying to sing along with the singers, her voice off key and she looks side ways to see a suspicious looking Deidara heading toward Sasori's room trying to walk with his back pressed to wall walking sideways.

Konan having taken multiple pills that same day due to the chaos aka a regular day wasn't ready for more screaming which judging by Deidara's mischievous smile would happen so she narrowed her golden eyes at him and walked up to the bomber.

Deidara spotted the tired looking Konan and closed his eyes thinking 'If I close my eyes and hold very still she will go away just like Zetsu does when he is hungry'. Konan just looked at him and growled out "What are you doing?"

Deidara still sticking with his plan continued to close his eyes and hope for the which caused to further anger Konan "IF YOU CONTINUE TO IGNORE YOUR SUPERIOR YOU BLOND ANNOYING EXPLOSIVE HAND-MOUTHED FREAK OF NATURE I SWEAR BY THE ART OF ORIGAMI I WILL GIVE YOU SO MUCH PAIN THAT YOU WON'T EVER BE ABLE TO TALK AGAIN YOU HERE ME!"

Deidara's eyes opened and he began to quiver making Konan regret taking out her frustration on the bomber, he wasn't the ONLY one causing her misery. At that moment Sasori walked out of his room to see Konan cornering a trembling Deidara with a murderous look in her golden eyes.

The red head glared at Konan. No one DARED mess with his brat but him it wasn't that he actually cared for the beautiful gorgeous and cute blond.

Sasori used his chakra strings to pull the bomber towards him "Konan what are trying to do to Deidara just because you are not having a good day doesn't mean you have to take it out on innocent by standers." Konan was flustered by the accusation and tried to prove her innocence "I swear Sasori I wasn't trying to hurt him he was walking suspiciously to your room and I didn't want him to bother you I was just going to-" she was cut off by a loud wailing from the bomber.

"Danna!" the bomber cried tears streaming down his face and clung to the puppet master's arm for dear life "I was just trying to surprise you with a new sculpture I made for you see!" Deidara pulled a tiny sculpture of Hiruko out of his clay bag looking up with his blue eyes trying to convince the red head.

Sasori gently picked up the sculpture from Deidara and smiled at him softly and hugged him back then turned his gaze to glare daggers at Konan "See you just over reacted next time pay a little more attention to your American Idol and a little less to others personal business." His voice was quiet but no venom was kept out of his words and th bomber joined in "Yeah, un!"

Konan fidgeted under the puppet masters glare but refused to back down she angrily roared out her words with the ferocity of an enraged lioness "No I won't pay less attention because if I do who knows what happen the Earth might split open and we will all fall into the deepest pits of hell for all I know!"

Deidara and Sasori glanced at each other like she was crazy and Sasori opened his mouth about to respond when a screaming Zetsu a furious Itachi and a torn up Kisame run in. Zetsu was screaming and even begging "Please Itachi have mercy I just want sushi so bad!" Kisame shouted behind Itachi indignantly "I am not sushi!" Then Tobi ran in trying to pry Itachi off of the plant-like man "Leave Zetsu-san alone Itachi-san he is a good boy!" and this led to Itachi and Tobi grabbing Zetsu and started to pull him back and forth in tug-of-war style with Kisame cheering Itachi on. A huge vein stuck out of Konan's forehead and both of the artists who were previously watching Zetsu's predicament in amusement glanced nervously at Konan seeing she was about to practically explode with rage and took several large steps away from her.

Konan stepped forward to Zetsu and lifted him up with one hand tossed him aside and stared down Tobi and Itachi who were desperately trying to disappear.

The blue haired ninja raked down all who were in the room and proceeded to collapse on her back and put her hand up dramatically "I can't take this anymore dear God I am dying!"

A loud shout went through the base "Did somebody say GOD!" and the akatsuki leader came charging followed by an angry looking Hidan who was dragging an equally angry looking miser aka Kakuzu.

Pain looked around the room to see the terrified Deidara, Sasori, Itachi, Kisame and Tobi, a stunned Zetsu and a tired and fallen Konan.

He walked over to Konan crouched beside her and asked "You called?" Konan looked up at her longtime friend and grasped his shoulders firmly "Pain I am so glad you're here you have to get me out of here." The blue haired ninja leaned forward and whispered into the confused looking leader's ear "They are all CRAZY Pain they all need help please I need help!"

Pain comfortingly rubbed her back "It's okay I will think of something." Hidan looked at Konan for a long time and she was beginning to get annoyed again "Well what's wrong with you did you upset your 'god' again?"

The zealot growled out "No YOU did!" Konan had a long day and her patience was already worn out "What are you talking about?" "You know don't play stupid you said GOD as if he is real, dumbass!"

Konan pushed Pain aside stood up and walked straight up to Hidan and shoved her face his "CAN YOU JUST SHUT THAT DAMNED MOUTH OF YOURS FOR A FEW MINUTES SO I CAN RELAX FOR A WHILE ALL YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY I NEED TO GO ON A FREAKIN VACATION I AM SO TIRED OF ALL THIS CHAOS WE ALL NEED COUNSELING FOR HEAVENS SAKE!"

Hidan just stood there stunned just as Sasori and Deidara were earlier who by the way were now hiding behind the couch from Konan's wrath and Hidan ran behind Kakuzu and screamed "Scarface, save me from that Jashin damned woman please I will give you 1000 yen!"

Kakuzu who was previously counting grinned under his mask and his emerald eyes glowed with excitement. The miser used his tentacles to circle around Hidan and slowly went over to the blue haired ninja threateningly. When she just wacked them away with her paper and snapped "BACK OFF YOU GREEDY ZOMBIE!" Kakuzu responded slowly as if he were talking to a child just to aggravate Konan "Maybe you should just relax your causing a scene over nothing and try to deal with your own problems instead of taking them out on others."

Before Kakuzu even knew it he was knocked onto the floor with a rage powered punch and looking up into the fear inducing golden eyes of Konan "YOU KNOW WHAT?" she shrieked "I am so tired of everyone you are all causing trouble I just try to relax I can't even do that Hidan and Kakuzu are always shouting, Deidara blows stuff up which make Sasori attack him causing a huge mess, Zetsu is always trying to eat Kisame, Kisame is always screaming like a little girl , Itachi is always beating Zetsu to a pulp and you" Konan pointed at Tobi furiously "Your always yelling 'Tobi is a good boy' and asking what is wrong geez!"

Now all the akatsuki members were stunned. Pain tried to calm his partner down "Konan calm down I think your being over dramatic." This set her off causing an anime style ominous looking shadow to cast over Konan her eyes were lit with an anime style fire as well "I wouldn't be talking if I were you, Pain!" He tried backing away from her with his hands up but he backed up onto a wall, completely vulnerable to Konan's onslaught "Your always saying 'I am a god listen to me blah blah BLAH' I am so annoyed by you always thinking everything is under control but it isn't I am going to do something I should have done a long time ago"

She raised her hand of her head and Pain closed his eyes obviously scared for his life then she shouted out "WE ARE HAVING A MEETING RIGHT NOW MEET IN THE MEETING ROOM!"

Pain began to protest about him being the leader allowing only him to call meetings but he was silenced by Konan and her death glare. They walked into the room and sat in their own chairs which had their names on them so nobody would argue about whose was whose last time that happened it was not a pretty sight.

Konan sat in Pain's chair which was taller than the others and was in the middle of the room. Pain sat in Konan's chair and waited for the meeting to begin.

Konan began "We all know why we are here." She was cut off by Tobi's high pitched voice "GUILTY!" she ignored the masked ninja "As I was saying I have been having a problem and if it isn't fixed bad things may happen to somewhat good people." She shot a look at Deidara and Hidan who proceeded to hide behind their partners.

Kisame raised his and asked "So what are you going to do about it?" the blue haired ninja grinned and was about to respond when Tobi broke in "NOT GUILTY!" She glared at him and began "Well my solution for the problem is-" "TOBI IS A GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD BOY!" Konan who had her last bit of patience shattered, shrieked "NO TOBI YOUR NOT A GOOD BOY NOW SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!"

The eye whole in his mask visibly widened and Tobi collapsed on the ground and passed out. Zetsu sighed and picked up with the masked ninja bridal style and sat back down in his chair while his white side looked slightly concerned for Tobi the black side was glaring furiously at Konan.

The blue haired ninja shrugged of the glare as if it wasn't even there and continued on with her speech "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted." She glared equally as furious as Zetsu back at him "I came up with a simple solution."

She gave a dramatic pause and all the other members were interested in her so called solution and Hidan looked like he was preparing himself to laugh hard but he was on the edge of his seat with the Jashin symbol just like everybody else.

Konan began again "My simple solution is…we all need to go to counseling." All the akatsuki members gasped and started muttering to each other. Deidara whined "I don't need counseling I am perfectly normal" and Hidan who was complaining that the solution wasn't as funny enough and Lord Jashin wouldn't approve immediately commented on the bomber's statement "Yeah in your fucking dreams, Blondie!"

They were about to get in a huge argument when a high pitched squeal that sounded liked a little girl when throughout the base. Pain questioned the noise first "What in the name of Pain was that?" Tobi shouted "Tobi knows it where it came from Pain-sama it came from Kakuzu-san."

Kisame once again raised his hand "Two questions when did you wake up and why do you always add honorifics at the end of everybody's name?" Tobi responded easily "Tobi woke up when Konan-chan said Tobi and all his sempai's need counseling which is silly because Tobi is a normal good boy and Tobi adds honorifics because Tobi is a good boy." Kisame face palmed himself muttering "How did I know you were going to say that?"

Hidan walked over to a terrified looking Kakuzu who was rocking back and forth in a corner next to a smug looking Konan. Hidan was curious to see what was causing his partners' despair and asked Konan "What in the name of Lord Jashin is wrong with Scarface?" Pain shouted in the background "Not Jashin it is Lord PAIN!"

Konan brushed the interruption and replied happily "Oh nothing it is just I wanted this to really work so I got a professional counselor who is well known and never failed anyone but he is a bit…pricy." She handed the zealot a paper with the price on it.

Hidan's eyes widened and squeaked out "IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS UNHOLY WHAT THE HELL KONAN, THIS PLAN BETTER WORK OR SCARFACE IS GOING TO HAVE FIVE HEART ATTACKS!" He gave Kakuzu a sympathetic pat on the head.

Konan clapped her hands getting everyone's attention "Well we have a long couple days ahead of us so we all are going to head to bed." Everyone groaned but went along with the orders. Pain passed by Konan and whispered "I pray to me that this plan of yours works Konan." She didn't seem offended and smiled reassuringly "Yeah I have confidence in this goodnight Pain." Pain smiled back and turned around to walk down the hall to his room "Goodnight Konan."

Zetsu and Tobi were both walking down the hall to their rooms when Tobi peeped out "Zetsu-san can you read a story to Tobi?" the plant man sighed, the masked ninja asked this every night and he just couldn't say no to the pleading look that he knew was on his face "Yes Tobi ONE story though. Which one?" Tobi jumped up and down excitedly "The Gingerbread Man!" Zetsu told Tobi to grab the book from his room and meet him in his own room which now had flowers hung all over it courtesy of Tobi.

Zetsu walked into his room and went on his bed quickly removing his cloak and sighed "Well tomorrow is going to be a long day." For once both sides agreed on the same thing.

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Let me know if you want more and remember this is my first story so have mercy


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok It's been a while since a made a next chappie so I am ignoring my poll and going to do Deidara first but it won't be his POV alright? Read and review and please enjoy! Also some yaoi will probably appear throughout the story so if you don't like turn back now!**

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The sun was rising up and the Akatsuki members were sleeping peacefully until a loud blaring alarm went through the base.

The startled criminals all jumped out of their beds except for Hidan who rolled out and Tobi who jumped so high he hit the ceiling and knocked himself out.

The alarm ended and as everyone relaxed into their beds to go back to sleep the intercom made the static sound and the calm voice of Konan came out "Everyone report to the meeting room NOW."

They all entered the room sluggishly and were grumbling. Kakuzu was trying to count his money but it was a pitiful sight to see as he was too tired to keep count correctly.

Hidan was strangely quiet and appeared to be waking up still, rubbing his eyes cutely. Deidara was absent mindedly fixing his bed head. Sasori was normal due to being a puppet and all he doesn't really need sleep. Kisame looked wide awake and was drinking a Monster while Itachi was reading a book. Zetsu's black side looked grumpy from lack of sleep due to Tobi begging him to read another story and his white side also looked tired but was concerned for the knocked out Tobi.

Pain once again sat in his leader chair and Konan sat in her chair right beside him her hands folded and looked at the group of sleepy people with obvious authority. Sasori was the first to speak, being the most coherent person at the moment "Konan, what are we doing?"

Konan looked surprised but answered back "I told everyone yesterday that were getting counseling so I am sticking with my word."

Sasori merely smirked and stood quiet '_This will be interesting possibly as interesting as art since this probably will last a long time.'_

Itachi asked another question, looking up from the book he seemed to have just finished "I am assuming we are having the meetings right now."

"Yes." Konan replied simply "Well then where is that expensive counselor you got that nearly killed Kakuzu yesterday?" Itachi asked suddenly seeming interested and Kakuzu just remembered the events the previous day and proceeded to groan, and then sadly count his money.

Konan opened her mouth when a man made his way through the door. He had ginger hair, with deep green eyes brimming with intelligence and conviction. He was casually dressed, wearing a black hat, jeans, a plain white shirt, and a black leather jacket.

Konan smiled and stood up and pulled Pain with her and they shook hands "Pleased to meet you this is Pain the leader, and I am Konan the one who contacted you Mr…?" The man smiled and answered with a deep voice "Honozumi, Ryuko Honozumi but just call me Ryuko."

Konan blushed as she shook his hand "Well Ryuko what do you plan on doing with everyone?" Ryuko gave a genuine smile "Well Konan, I usually work one person a day and what I mean is they talk about their life and facts about themselves then everyone else asks questions or comments. Conversation leads to bonding."

Konan nodded and looked at everyone else worriedly "I don't know if I got them at the right time they are so out of it but oh well who is going first?"

Everyone had fully awakened and greeted Ryuko "Good morning (fucker)." Ryuko gave them a good morning and asked earnestly "So which one of you is going first?"

They all looked at each other and the silence stretched out for a good 15 minutes as the all mentally argued who would go first.

Hidan grinned when an idea came to him "Hey you assholes need more fucking manners." They all looked at him in shock from the sudden shout "Bitched first so go Deidara!"

Deidara looked ready to scream when everyone agreed and he furiously got up from his chair and sat in the "special" chair. He was fuming and Ryuko was a bit nervous with a sweat drop forming on his forehead '_Well I already been paid so I got to go along with it I guess.'_

Ryuko pulled a clipboard out of nowhere and began to bombard him with an onslaught of questions "So where do you come from?" He snapped out "Iwagakure and from the Explosion Corps." He wrote down some notes "What was life as a child like." Deidara snapped out of his tantrum and looked sad "Can I skip, un?"

Ryuko shook his head and gave him a reassuring smile "No this is the whole point of these meetings." Deidara looked down "But why does everyone have to know my business, un?"

Ryuko placed a hand the bombers shoulder "So they understand you better." Deidara sighed in defeat and mumbled "It was hard." Ryuko nodded "Go on." He growled "Well I had a hard time with other kids because of these, un." He raised his hands to show his mouths.

The sound of notes being rapidly scribbled echoed through the room and Deidara continued "I didn't like how everything never ended like those annoying bullies so I liked when things were fleeting."

He smiled confidently "Then I saw the biggest firework ever and I know that was art it was amazing but fleeting so from then on I dedicated my life to art, un."

Ryuko nodded and asked "So I am guessing your hobbies are blowing stuff up." Deidara grinned "Yup, un." Sasori groaned "A little too much."

So Ryuko just asked random questions like what his favorite color was and what he liked and disliked "Red, and I like fleeting art like explosions, and I don't like eternal things." He glared at Sasori who glared even harder back at him.

Konan coughed to get their attention "Well is that it?" Ryuko shook his head "No, we still need to see if anyone has questions or comments."

Ryuko looked at the other Akatsuki members "Well any questions." Hidan immediately shouted out "Do you ever make your freaky ass hands make out with each other." Deidara blushed "Well I have to answer honestly so yeah, sometimes, un."

Hidan chuckled and Kisame joined in, hyped up from the Monster "Have you ever blown up something expensive?" Deidara laughed evilly in response and Kakuzu looked angry "Why?" Deidara grinned naughtily "Because I felt like it, un."

Pain spoke for the first time the whole morning "What is your favorite food?" Deidara looked confused but answered slowly in an uncertain voice "Bakudan, un."

Itachi gave a faint smile "Bakudan means bombs in Japanese, I guess it was destined." Deidara looked at Itachi coolly "Yeah, un. Are we done yet?" He glanced at Ryuko.

Ryuko nodded looking relieved '_I thought that I might get blown up or something, un. Oh shit the guy rubbed off on me.'_

A loud sigh of relief came out of all the Akatsuki members. Ryuko took a couple more notes and shook Deidara's hand, relieved it didn't lick him.

As he made his way toward the door Konan rushed forward "Well when are you coming back?" Ryuko gave her a smile which made her feel all fuzzy on the inside and blush, her inner self was squealing like a fan girl "I will be back tomorrow around the same time if you don't mind."

The blue haired ninja answered immediately "Oh yes." Ryuko waved good bye and walked out the room not before winking at Konan who was blushing like Hinata.

Konan walked out to her room in a daze leaving the male Akatsuki member's to themselves.

Pain watched Konan go with a look that was heart breaking resting upon his face. Everyone else was unsure how to react so Deidara walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder "Are you ok Pain-sama, un?"

Pain snapped out of his daze "Umm yeah I'm fine I just need to go for a walk." Pain walked sadly out of the room, practically dragging himself.

There was an awkward silence until Itachi spoke in his soft voice "We should help Pain-sama." They all nodded in agreement and were making a plan when a loud growling sound broke into their excited and hushed voices.

Tobi woke up with a start "What just happened?" Zetsu shook his head and the white side answered "Were helping get Pain and Konan together." Tobi nodded and asked all the stunned men "What was that scary noise?"

Kisame blushed "My stomach, how about we talk this over sushi?" They all nodded eagerly as all their stomachs growled at the same time causing an uproar of laughter. They all walked out of the room talking about their plans.

Konan sat in her room folding papers into heart shapes and was unknowingly being watched by a depressed Pain. She heard the laughter and smiled "This guy is a miracle worker and hot." She blushed again like Hinata and let out a loud fan girl squeal "I can't wait for tomorrow."

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**Aww do you feel bad for Pain? Don't hate on my poor excuses for jokes lol they really are my attempts. Please review and be happy I updated I won't update unless I at least get 3 reviews alright? Now press that pretty little button right now please! Up next is Itachi and don't forget to look at my poll.**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been FOREVER since I updated this story so I decided to update :D!**

**I am taking down the poll and this is the order I THINK the counseling will go in and there might be some minor changes:**

**Itachi**

**Hidan **

**Sasori**

**Konan**

**Kisame **

**Zetsu**

**Tobi**

**Kakuzu**

**Last but not least PAIN-SAMA!**

**I went off the current votes and if you ask really hard then I might change the order but I want Pain to be in the end so there is no changing that .**

**Okay without further ado enjoy! Also R&R and warnings: I own nothing, yaoi, OOCness and swearing! Okay now ENJOY!**

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Konan stretched and smiled as she got out of bed. She was a natural early bird and she always woke up before the others.

She had the most wonderful sleep dreaming up romantic fantasies of Ryuko. His voice made her feel all melty and those eyes just brought shivers up her spine.

She squealed like a fangirl and got out of bed. She made her way through her floor littered with heart shaped papers from the previous night. She would have continued but the blue haired ninja felt like she was being watched and she felt really uneasy about that.

'I wouldn't mind if it was Ryuko though!' She thought dreamily as she went to the bathroom to get ready for the next meeting.

Once she was done making sure her hair was perfect she put on her cloak and walked out the room, down the hall, and into the meeting room.

She was thinking of plans to how to get the other Akatsuki members to get up 'Maybe I should go around playing that drum I got from Jiraiya-sensei all of those years ago when he said we should learn other skills.' She chuckled fondly at the memory. Turned out he liked some musician lady and he wanted to attract her attention. Ever since then Pain never touched the dreaded tuba he had to play.

She was shocked when she walked in to see that everyone, even Pain, was sleeping with a huge pile of blankets on the floor next and the Akatsuki members, of course excluding Konan, were all jumbled up on the pile.

Pain was in the very middle and hugging a pillow with a faint smile on his face. Tobi must have fell asleep glomping Zetsu who seemed pretty comfortable in his position. Hidan was lying sprawled out and his head was resting under Kakuzu's arm. Kakuzu was using his other arm to hold a case of his precious and let out an occasional 'Evil money spending witch'. Deidara was cuddling up to Sasori who was holding him very closely. Itachi had his head on Kisame's chest and he looked quite content. Kisame was snoring loudly and Konan was surprised no one had woken up at the loud noise.

Konan felt bad but she had to get them up for the meeting. She tip toed over to Pain and gently shook him. He slowly opened his eyes which were hazy from sleep. His sleepy eyes locked onto Konan "Are you an angel?"

This made the blue haired ninja laugh. When she first found Pain when they were kids he had just woken up and asked that same exact question with the same amount of awe and amazement in his voice.

Konan shook her head "No, it's me Konan. Remember we have a meeting today." Pain's eyes widened and they looked wide awake as he stood up quickly "Damn I completely forgot. Thanks and good morning Konan-san." Konan smiled at her leader and friend "Good morning and your welcome, Pain-sama."

Pain pulled a whistle out of his cloak and whistled it very loud, startling the Akatsuki members who were sleeping peacefully. Some were clinging to their blankets or partners in fear and some were glaring daggers at Pain but he was pleased to see they were wide awake.

The leader spoke out clearly "Well now that you are all awake, get ready for the meeting."

Tobi raised his hand excitedly. Pain sighed "What Tobi?" the masked ninja jumped up and down "Who is going to talk to Ryuko-san today Pain-sama? Tobi wants to because he is a good boy!"

Konan shook her head very fast, smiled and sweat dropped "How about someone else? We should save you for last since you know the saying 'Save the best for last' right?"

Tobi was silent for a second "Oh good idea Konan-chan! So who is going if Tobi isn't?" he asked cheerfully.

The Akatsuki members looked around each other. Deidara smiled mischievously "Well Hidan clearly stated 'bitches first' yesterday so I think I know who should go first, un." Everyone looked at Itachi.

Itachi glared back but turned to look up at Kisame whose lap he was sitting in. Kisame nodded and addressed the others "He will go next." A sigh of relief went through the room and just on time Ryuko walked into the room.

Konan immediately blushed and giggled like a school girl who had a crush. She gestured Ryuko to the middle of the room "Just on time Ryuko-kun we already decided who is going next. Do you mind me calling you Ryuko-kun?"

Ryuko gave her another one of his dazzling smiles make her blush more evident "No I don't mind if you let me call you Konan-chan." Konan laughed "No I don't mind Ryuko-kun."

Pain looked angry and a bit sad. He coughed loudly getting their attention. Konan glared at him but smiled at Ryuko "Okay well we better get started."

Ryuko looked around and looked around the room at the Akatsuki members "Yes we should. So who is going today?"

Itachi merely stood up and sat in the 'special chair' and looked at Ryuko emotionlessly with a hint of annoyance. Ryuko brushed away his icy attitude "So what is your name?"

He wouldn't have gotten an answer if Kisame hadn't answered "Itachi his name is Itachi." Ryuko nodded and thanked the shark man before proceeding to asking Itachi questions "So where are you from?"

Itachi silently stared at Ryuko. The man looked really nervous 'How do I get this guy to talk? I am starting to impress that hot chick Konan.'

Konan huffed out angrily "Itachi just answer the questions then you can be eternally silent for all I care."

It was her turn to be nervous when he glared at her with the endless pits of flames known as his eyes. Kisame walked over and kneeled beside Itachi. He brushed some hair behind the weasel's ear and whispered into it. Itachi nodded and got up allowing Kisame to sit down in the chair and sat down in the shark man's lap.

Kisame explained to the confused Ryuko "He wants me to answer for him." Ryuko took down a few notes "Yeah that is okay. So again where are you from Itachi?" Kisame answered right on beat with Ryuko's questions "Hidden Leaf Village." "What do you like to do on your free time?" "Read and train." "Do you have any siblings?" "One little brother, Sasuke." "Do you get along?" "They used to but now Sasuke will go at all lengths to kill Itachi." "What is your favorite color?" "Blue."

Ryuko took notes for a few minutes and looked back up from his clip board "What was your childhood like?" Kisame stood silent and looked down at Itachi. The weasel looked uneasy now but he still nodded hesitantly. Kisame wrapped his arms around his partner reassuringly and Itachi leaned against the shark man's chest.

Kisame answered the question carefully as if trying not to give away too much "Well he trained most of his life. His father trained most of the time and he was considered the prodigy of his clan."

Ryuko took a few notes and frowned "But how do you feel about that." Kisame glared at the man and opened his mouth to say something that might be rude when Itachi placed his hand on Kisame's arm signaling for him not to answer.

Itachi answered in his monotone voice "I was merely a weapon for my clan or a trophy to be polished and showed off for others to admire."

Ryuko was silent '_Wow I feel kinda bad for the guy. At least we are done that was a bit awkward now to get to Konan-chan.'_

Ryuko finished writing some notes and grinned "Good job you two now does anyone have any questions or comments?"

Tobi jumped up "Are you a good boy?" Itachi glared at him "Shut up or enjoy 72 hours of hell." Tobi screamed and ran behind Zetsu fearfully.

Hidan was the next person brave enough to question the Uchiha "What the fuck is your fucking favorite damned food?" Kisame answered for the weasel "Cabbage and onigiri with seaweed on it."

Kakuzu felt like joining his partner "What is your least favorite food?" "Steak."

Deidara yelled out in shock "Who doesn't like steak, un?" Itachi smiled a bit "I don't."

Once they finished Ryuko looked at his notes "That was good today well I will be back tomorrow. Oh yeah Konan we need to talk in private about something urgent."

Konan looked concerned "Okay I will talk to you in front of the base where we will have some privacy." She raked everyone with a death glare before following Ryuko out the door.

The others, not wanting to stick around any longer left the room and went to their rooms which were as far away from front as they could get.

Kisame waited for Itachi to get up so he could get up and leave the room. The weasel looked up at him innocently and Kisame smiled, brushed away some of his hair then kissed the weasel before picking him up bridal style and exited the room.

Pain stood outside behind a tree and watched Konan and Ryuko. Ryuko smiled passionately at Konan "You have quite a group there Konan-chan but they are progressing well." Konan laughed lightly and put her hands behind her back "Yeah they are but you have to love them."

Ryuko nodded "Out of all of them I think I like you the best though Konan-chan." Konan blushed "T-t-thank Ryuko-kun." She managed to stutter out.

Ryuko cupped her cheek "I want to get to know you better though." Konan felt her heart soar and her stomach do back flips "I do too. But I don't really know how. I have been in the Akatsuki for so long I just don't know how."

Ryuko leaned in so their lips were brushing "I do though. You just need to follow along." Before he could do anything else Pain put on a fake smile and walked out "So what was this urgent news Ryuko-san?" He asked good-naturedly.

Konan glared angrily at Pain but Ryuko smiled back then back away from Konan who looked disappointed "Oh nothing just things about what I wrote down and that I would be back tomorrow."

With that Ryuko walked away leaving an angry Konan and a slightly fearful Pain "Stay out of my business Pain in the ass!"

Pain winced. Ouch hit a weak spot. Pain tried to reason "I just don't want him to do anything to you." Konan wouldn't have it though "Just stay out of the way." She stomped away leaving a saddened Pain.

Kakuzu and Sasori witnessed what happened. Sasori looked sympathetically at Pain "We need to think of a plan." Kakuzu was in deep thought "We should discuss this with the others before we do anything." Sasori nodded and the two walked away to get the other Akatsuki members, excluding Pain and Konan, to think of a plan to get Pain and Konan together. Sasori smiled "This is going to be interesting."

* * *

**Okay not my best work but better than nothing. Next up is Hidan and if someone wants it to be someone else (other than Pain or Konan) then tell me. I know the characters were incredibly OOC but that's how I like them .**

**Please review or Itachi will cry then Kisame will try to kill you and if he tries to kill you I will have to kill him then if I kill him Itachi will die and if Itachi dies Sasuke will have no purpose then he will die and if he dies Orochimaru won't have any to rape at night and if he has no to rape at night he will go to the leaf village to find someone else and if he goes to the leaf village Kabuto will get lonely and open a bakery. Don't let Kabuto open a bakery just review! **

**p.s: I got that from a commercial I forgot which one it was though hehe!**


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry I haven't update in forever but you know high school…what a drag XD.**

**Well up next for counseling is everyone's favorite immortal, HIDAN!**

**Warnings & Disclaimers: I OWN NOTHING EXCEPT RYUKO HONOZUMI! There MIGHT be some yaoi but no guarantees but I can guarantee swearing from you know who –cough HIDAN cough-**

**Okay I need to get to this now XD or I never will, I hope you enjoy.**

Pain groaned as he woke and he sat up. He turned to the side to see the clock 'It's still early.' He thought sleepily. He stretched and stood up deciding to get up.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily and couldn't help but notice a haze in the air. He rubbed his eyes fiercely and the haze was still there. Pain growled out in frustration then he sniffed slightly.

The Akatsuki leader suddenly felt wide awake as he registered the smell as smoke. He swiftly left the room and went to the kitchen, already knowing where the smoke originated from 'Did Deidara try cooking again? Or worse…TOBI!'

Once he arrived to the kitchen all the Akatsuki members, excluding Konan, were sitting expectantly on counter. Tobi was happily burning something on the stove and throwing in random spices.

Pain looked at them confusedly "Wait are you all doing?" They all looked to Sasori, who was their official spokesman.

The puppeteer slid off the counter and stepped forward and relied bluntly to Pain's question "We know since the beginning of forever you were head over heels for Konan and we never interfered with this problem but now Ryuko is ruining your chances with Konan so now we're going to help you."

Pain went from confusion to blushing red in the matter of seconds and he stuttered out "S-so what is this supposed, a, e-evil organiz-zation or a d-dating program?"

Hidan jumped off the counter and yelled into Pain's face causing him to flinch slightly "YOU KNOW YOU FUCKING WANT HER SO WE'RE GOING TO HELP YOU WHETHER YOU FUCKING LIKE OR NOT PAIN IN THE ASS!"

Everyone face palmed themselves then Tobi gave up cooking that…thing and said innocently "We want to help you Pain-sama."

Pain sighed knowing that he wouldn't be able to change their determination that was evident on their faces "Okay but please try not to make things worse."

They all cheered and high fived each other, then Itachi pulled out a paper "Okay Hidan you are solely in charge of phase 2 of the special mission: Scare the living hell out of Ryuko. Are you ready?"

Hidan nodded confidently "This will be a piece of cake I just got to scare the living heathen shit out of this chick stealing bastard."

Pain sweat dropped 'What did I get myself into?' He then thought on more confidently 'You will soon see my feelings Konan and except them.'

_Time Skip into the Meeting Room_

Ryuko smiled at a blushing Konan and he unknowingly received a bunch of death glares from the other Akatsuki members.

He pulled out his clip board and smiled at Hidan who scowled back. Ryuko swallowed nervously "So what is your name?"

Hidan's eyes flashed with a deadly gleam in them and smiled evilly "The name's Hidan dumbass, don't forget it or Lord Jashin's wrath will fall upon you."

Ryuko looked confusedly at the hostile immortal and scratched the back of his head "Alright Hidan, let's start with the basic stuff such as-"

He was cut off by the Jashinist who began to yell obscenity at him "No one gives a fuck about my favorite color or food or dumb shit like that, you dumbass heathen! If you ask me any of those fucking retarded questions I will sacrifice you to Lord Jashin!"

Konan hissed angrily at Hidan "Don't be so disrespectful! He is just trying to do his job, idiot!" Ryuko, who was previously nervous at the Jashinist's threat, calmed down and flashed a smile at Konan. Hidan growled inwardly at her outburst 'I'm just trying to help you out stupid bitch. This guy is bad news!'

The man then continued on with his questions, deciding to play it safe and ask Hidan something that will hopefully take his mind off yelling at Ryuko "So who is this 'Lord Jashin' you keep mentioning?" He didn't receive the results he was hoping for, instead he got an even angrier Hidan.

He shouted furiously at him, trying to appear as menacing as possible, which wasn't difficult "Of course a worthless piece of shit heathen would ask this kind of question! Lord Jashin is the most fucking awesome God you will ever hear about. In order to keep my immortality, I got to serve him without hesitation and sacrificing as many heathen asses I can to him. I'm thinking of making another sacrifice right now!"

Ryuko was tired of being treated like this by Hidan, they had called him out here for help and here he was trying to do his job when this idiot in front of him couldn't stop yelling. His gaze temporarily fell onto Konan, it was so quick that only Hidan noticed it since he was practically in front of the creepy bastard 'Mmm, this will all be worth it though! She looks just delicious, I can't wait to see how far she will be willing to go with me. She probably will go far too, that whore.' Ryuko though this maliciously as he wrote down some notes.

In order to preserve his dignity he refused to back down from Hidan's endless yelling, he also wanted to impress Konan so she would think that he really did care about her and her little assortment of psychopaths. He smiled at Hidan which made the Jashinist want to rip his guts out and strangle him with them "How about you tell me more about your history, hmm? Such as what village you're from, past professions and other related topics."

Hidan growled out angrily "I'm from Yugakure a former shinobi village now a fucking site for tourists. It was so fucking boring back then when I was actually loyal to them, now that was the fucking dumbest Jashin damned decision I ever made. After it wasn't a shinobi village I was finally set free and I killed my neighbors, because I was saving those dumb asses from wasting their lives away in that worthless piece of crap of a village." Hidan's eyes began to shine more as the murderous glint grew in eyes which were staring right into Ryuko's eyes. "I finally found the one person I could serve loyally and that was Lord Jashin. I learned how to really live! Then I saw that bastard a while ago and decided to join the Akatsuki since I will have a better source of heathens to kill." He pointed to Kakuzu when he said 'that bastard' and the other immortal glared daggers at him.

Ryuko stared at Hidan for a long while 'This guy is more insane than the other one who killed his family!' Hidan narrowed his eyes "What the hell, heathen! Don't just stare at me like the dumb shit you are!" Ryuko blinked and wrote down a few notes before smiling that infuriating smile "Well it looks like this was a successful meeting, it was nice meeting you Hidan." He decided to skip the question asking which would probably further infuriate the already seething immortal. Hidan just nodded back but was inwardly screaming his head off 'Jashin give me the damned strength to not kill this bastard right now!'

Ryuko then began to make his way out the room, not before he gave Konan a longing look right into her eyes before walking out. Konan looked at Hidan with cold fury and ran out the room after Ryuko. As she left a collective sigh went out through the room. Tobi cheered happily "It worked! And Hidan didn't kill that creepy guy YAY!" Kakuzu nodded "Yeah it looked like you scared him good." Hidan grinned and wrapped one arm around Kakuzu "So about those kunai's I wanted yesterday-" Kakuzu immediately responded "No." The two then began to fight.

Ignoring the two immortals, the others began discussing the plan again. Itachi pulled out the papers "Tomorrow you're up Sasori." The puppet master nodded and smiled "Alright I know what to do." They were unaware of Pain sneaking off to watch Konan and Ryuko talking outside of the base.

Konan sighed "I'm sorry about Hidan. He is usually hard to handle but he was in a worse temper today." Ryuko smiled reassuringly at Konan "It's alright Konan-chan. His behavior is probably because he is uncomfortable talking about himself in front of everyone. It must be hard to keep him in line though." Konan nodded "It is! But he is still a good member of the Akatsuki." Ryuko decided to make his move "It is absolutely incredible how you talk about them. Despite how much problems they may cause you still try to understand them and work with them. You are a very kind and admirable person, Konan-chan."

She blushed hard and smiled happily "It's nice to hear that. No one has ever said anything to me like that, except for Sensei all of those years ago. It makes me feel so much more special than I actually am." He feigned concern "You are a wonderful person! You just are under appreciated!" He continued more slowly and looked deep into her eyes "But I can see that wonderful person. I can see that beautiful woman who needs to be appreciated." Before she could respond he kissed her deeply before pulling away with fake worry "I hope I didn't push it too much." She then smiled at him gently "No, it's alright. You make me feel so special. It makes me happy knowing that I'm doing a good job." He cupped her cheek in his hand and smiled a smile that could sway any girl "I'm glad. See you tomorrow Konan-chan." He walked away and she said while still blushing but smiling giddily "See you tomorrow, Ryuko-kun."

Pain had watched all this transpire with a deep sense of regret 'I wish I had shown my appreciation more.' Itachi blurred and appeared next to him "Pain-sama, don't worry the plan is going perfectly. We will make this work out for you and keep that evil man away from the angel of the Akatsuki." Pain's face showed traces of a smile and he nodded, thinking that was a good name for his angel.

Meanwhile

"Hey where did everyone go?" Hidan's now decapitated head tried and failed to look around for the others. Kakuzu shrugged and glared at him "Today is done so they are probably going on with the rest of their day." Hidan looked at Kakuzu nervously "Are you going to leave me here all day?"

Kakuzu secretly hated that nervous look in his eyes and sighed "No I'm not." He then picked up his head and stitched it back to his body. Hidan glomped him, nearly causing the immortal to fall. He growled out angrily and started walking out the door and the base with Hidan still on his back. The Jashinist looked at him curiously "Where are we going?" Kakuzu sighed heavily "To get those kunai's. If you lose them I swear I'm going to kill you!" Hidan grinned like a cat and rubbed his cheek against Kakuzu's "I love you too you greedy heathen bastard."

**Okay a bit of Kakuhida at the end but I think this chapter was overall good right? Again I'm sorry about the delay for this chapter and I wouldn't be surprised if no one read it since it's been such a long time. I hope you did R&R though that will make me very happy **

**This is the order for the counseling cessions:**

**Sasori**

**Konan**

**Kisame**

**Zetsu**

**Tobi **

**Kakuzu **

**Pain**

**I might change the order as I see fit though :3 please review!**


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